#360 Self-Compassion Ain’t Always Soft | Kristin Neff
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There’s a widely held assumption that if you have a warmer, friendlier relationship with yourself, you will not only slack off and be ineffective, but also that you will be a doormat. My guest today says: not true. She’s making the case that self-compassion, when properly understood, can lead to a kind of ferocity. It can help you stand up for yourself and others.
Kristin Neff is the central pioneer in the field of self-compassion research and her work has had a massive impact on me and my own work. She is an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She’s the author of the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, and now she has a new book, called Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive.
This conversation is for everyone, whether you identify as a woman or not. These concepts are universal, although as you will hear Kristen argue, there is special importance for women. And speaking of gender, we are dedicating this week to that subject. Coming up on Wednesday, we’re going to talk about masculinity with a guest named Daniel Ellenberg.
In this episode with Kristin Neff, we talk about: tender self-compassion vs. fierce self-compassion; the three main forms of fierce self-compassion; how to take a fierce self-compassion break; destructive vs. constructive anger; why she wrote the book specifically for women, and why you should read it, regardless of your gender socialization; how men can help the women in their lives develop this kind of ferocity; and how self-compassion can help us face our biases.
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Where to find Kristin Neff online:
- Check out this tweet from Kristin, with a helpful infographic explaining Fierce Self-Compassion
- Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
- Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive
Other TPH Appearances:
- On TPH Live, April 2020
- Kryptonite for the Inner-Critic, on the TPH Podcast, December 2020
Other Resources Mentioned:
- Chris Germer, on the TPH Podcast
- The Mindful Self-Compassion Program
- The Three Elements of Self-Compassion
- The Self-Compassion Break
- Kali, the destroyer of illusion
- Jeff Warren, upcoming retreats
- Life Out Loud podcast with LZ Granderson
- Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live
- Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide
- Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care