#570. You Are Not a Sh*tty Person | Carla Naumburg
There’s so much compelling research behind the notion of self compassion. Even though many of us think we need an internal cattle prod in order to retain our edge, research shows that people who have a supportive inner attitude — who have their own back — are more resilient and effective. Not to mention happier. And nicer.
And yet, it is easy for skeptics to be turned off by some of the language and practices of self compassion. So today we brought in a guest who puts it in plain English, and is very funny.
Carla Naumburg PhD is a clinical social worker, author, and mother. She has a lot to say about self compassion, and she does so in a way that skeptics will find appealing.
One other note about Carla. A lot of her books are directed at parents, especially parents who are self critical. But this episode is aimed at everybody. We do talk a little bit about parenting at the end, but it’s not the main focus. Just so you have it, her books have titles such as: How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids and You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent. It’s common for parents to think they suck. It’s also common for humans to think we suck. That we are somehow terrible people. Sit back, relax, and let Carla disabuse you of that notion.
In this episode we talk about:
- What Carla calls “shitty human syndrome”
- Asking ourselves, what do I need right now?
- How, for skeptics, the data on the effectiveness of compassion practices is a powerful incentive.
- The third arrow of denial and distraction
- The very human problem of not knowing how to deal with our feelings.
- Using “noticing, connection, curiosity, and kindness” as ways to get super clear about the practice of self-compassion
- Curiosity as the antidote to judgment
- How loving-kindness ties into the ability to treat ourselves with self-compassion.
- Kinder self-talk
- Practicing self-care by setting boundaries
- Single tasking as a strategy for decreasing stress
- And, using acronyms like SNAFU and KISS as a simple way to quickly access complicated thoughts
Content Warning: This episode contains explicit language.
Photo credit: Heidi Aaronson
Where to find Carla Naumburg online:
- You Are Not A Sh*Tty Parent: How to Practice Self-Compassion and Give Yourself a Break
- How To Stop Losing Your Sh*T With Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent
Other Resources Mentioned:
- Father Gregory Boyle Ten Percent Happier episode
- Chris Germer
- Kristen Neff
- Wayne Dyer
- Ethan Kross
- Alexis Santos