Fight Right: The Science of Healthy Conflict | Drs. John and Julie Gottman

‍Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection is the name of a new book by esteemed guests Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman.

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They are the co-Founders of The Gottman Institute and have completed over 40 years of research with more than 3,000 couples. John is the researcher; Julie the clinician. They have written several books together, including Eight Dates and The Love Prescription.

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Even though the majority of the Gottmans’ research is on couples, the advice is applicable to all types of relationships.  

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In this episode we talk about:

• The three principle conflict styles
• Why we often don’t understand what it is we’re fighting about
• Perpetual problems vs. Solvable problems
• Why the first three minutes of an argument are key 
• The simple sentence to use at the beginning of an argument
• How to downregulate defensiveness in an argument
• Why the Gottmans’ believe there is no such thing as constructive criticism
• Why apologizing quickly isn’t always the right move
• When a fight might spell the end 

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Related Episodes:

• Dan Savage on how to handle disappointment in your relationships, how to get better at sex, and why “a couple” is an Illusion
• Lori Brotto on mindful sex
• Devon and Craig Hase on how not to be a hot mess
• Myisha Battle on love, sex, dating, and relationship myths

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