#359 The Hard Questions That Might Save Your Relationship | Susan Piver

Ten Percent Happier
June 23, 2021
#359 The Hard Questions That Might Save Your Relationship | Susan Piver
Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

Today we have some counterintuitive relationship advice. If you’re in a tough spot with your loved one, why would you want to have a deep chat about religion, politics, work, or your eating habits? Wouldn’t that just make everything worse? My guest today says asking these hard questions is exactly what you should do. 

Susan Piver is a fan favorite in the TPH-world. She has been a practicing Buddhist for more than a quarter-century. She’s a graduate of a Buddhist seminary, founder of The Open Heart Project, and a New York Times bestselling author of many books, including How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life. This month, she’s releasing a revised and expanded edition of her blockbuster book, The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do.” This book started out as a relationship tool for recently engaged couples, but it’s taken on a much broader life. You can use it if your long-term relationship has hit a snag, if you’ve recently broken up with someone and want to understand why, or if you’re single and just want to know yourself better. The book originally came out 20 years ago, but a lot has changed since then, so Susan has gone through and done a big rewrite. 

In this conversation, we talk about: why hard questions are so key to building or rebuilding the foundation for a healthy relationship; the difference between love affairs and long-term relationships (and how failing to see the difference can tank your relationship); why breakups are rarely caused by lack of love, but instead by something else; and Susan will explore, from a Buddhist perspective, what happens when the boundaries between you and another person begin to dissolve – and what to watch out for when this happens.

There’s (just barely!) still time to join us in our free Taming Anxiety Challenge. This ten-day meditation challenge will teach you how to understand your anxiety and give you practical tools for coping with the difficult thoughts and emotions that arise when you are anxious. And it’s also a great way to kickstart your meditation practice. 

Once you sign up, you’ll get a short video each day featuring a conversation with an expert on anxiety. After the video, there will be a short guided meditation for you to practice what you’ve just learned. You'll receive daily reminders to meditate, and you can even invite your friends and family to join you – for free. If your anxiety manifests as procrastination…now is the last chance to join us for the Challenge to replace that habit! Be sure to sign up by June 24. You can join the Taming Anxiety Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app. You should be prompted to join the Challenge after registering your account. If you've already downloaded the app, just open it up or visit this link to join.

Where to find Susan Piver online: 


The Open Heart Project

Social Media:

Books Mentioned:

Other Resources Mentioned:

Additional Resources: