Newsletters – 2022

Grudges generally get a bad rap. And for good reason – holding onto resentments can be toxic, trapping us in cycles of anger or bitterness.And yet, all of us have grudges, no matter how much we’re told not to. What if there were a way to allow them to exist, maybe even to learn with them?

The next several weeks, as we in the United States enter a highly contentious election season, will ask all of us some challenging questions: How do you remain engaged in civic life, even if you’re tired or frustrated? How can we connect to something larger than the small-minded views the world may be pulling us toward? How do values of compassion and mindfulness impact the actions we take in the public sphere?I’ve spent the last four decades working to help people cultivate the inner capacities of mindfulness and lovingkindness through meditation and other practices, so naturally I think these practices have some answers to those questions.

Here’s a problem with stress. We know—and the research backs me up on this one—that mindfulness and meditation can really help reduce stress. But sometimes, you might think, as I sometimes do, that sitting down to meditate when the mind is spinning so fast is, itself, a non-starter. So what to do? Fortunately, there are many ways to practice mindfulness, even when sitting down and following your breath might just feel like too much. You just need to think outside the box.

Meditation saved my life when I was a teenager. I was bullied for six years for being perceived as queer in my small mountain town in Colorado. I wasn’t out yet, even to myself, but I was taunted, physically harassed, teased, and manipulated by peers who perceived something different about me. Beginning meditation in high school taught me focus, revealed an inherent goodness in me regardless of what was happening around me or being said about me, and showed me a spaciousness inside that could never be taken from me.

When was the last time you had a thoroughly satisfying conversation? A conversation where you felt really in sync with the other person—where you thought they really got you. And maybe they even told you they felt the same. Dan Clurman and Mudita Nisker share how mindfulness can enable more satisfying, authentic conversations by helping you balance talking and listening.

For twenty years as a clinical psychologist and researcher at Harvard, Dr. Luana Marques has helped people build a healthier relationship with anxiety, from CEOs of Fortune 500 companies to single mothers in poverty and individuals coming out of jail. In this week’s newsletter, Dr. Luana shares a simple, self-assessment process she calls the TEB cycle.

Recently, we asked Ten Percent Happier app subscribers what topics they most wanted to hear about. One of the responses we received the most, in various forms, was “how can I be more accepting of life’s ups and downs?” To me, this simple-on-its-surface response says quite a lot about the relationship of meditation to, well, just plain advice. And why, at least in my experience, meditation has a lot more to offer.

In this moving personal essay, meditation teacher Emily Horn recalls a time recently when she felt that she couldn’t take any more sorrow or stress – but then more came her way.

There’s a human tendency to assume the worst about other people, one that seems particularly prevalent today. But, as Jay Michaelson explores, mindfulness can help us see how little we really know.

Zoom Fails: we’ve all been there. Here, psychologist Dr. Susan Pollak shows how to deal with these embarrassing incidents with grace, self-compassion, and humor.

There’s a myth that people who meditate shouldn’t get angry. That is not true, says meditation Mushim Ikeda, but meditation can help us transform our anger into effective action.

All of us have capacities for generosity or selfishness, love or hate. The question is which ones we work to cultivate.

In the Buddhist tradition in which I trained, cultivating compassion is the whole point of meditation. As we have experienced this past week, compassion can also hurt. To face suffering in the world, and allow yourself to feel pain in response to it, requires a kind of fierceness and bravery that is very different from how compassion is often depicted.

Meditation master, Sharon Salzberg, shares her reflections on aging wisely as she’s about to turn 70 years old.

In this exceptionally fraught time for women’s and #LGBTQ rights, he writes that it’s been helpful to remember what meditation does and doesn’t do.

Many parents struggle to create healthy boundaries in their lives, and sometimes feel guilty for trying. But Yael Shy writes that boundaries can be an expression of love.

What happens when we’re faced with fear and discomfort? We often avoid it at any cost because we’re biologically wired to protect ourselves from any perceived danger. This automatic reaction would keep us safe when confronted by a lion, but does it serve us when we’re confronted with a difficult conversation? Dr. Luana Marques walks us through how to rewire our brain to stop avoiding difficult - but not life-threatening - situations today.

Saleem Reshamwala has a question for you: are emotions more than just a feeling?

Jay Michaelson writes that meditation teaches “a healthy kind of self-doubt” — the skepticism of the stuff our minds constantly tell us about ourselves, others, and the world around us.

A lot of sleep experts have advice on how to get better sleep. But in this provocative essay, Dr. Lauren Whitehurst says that sleep loss is also a societal problem and the result of societal choices.

Meditation teacher and minister, Lama Rod Owens reports that many of his students have begun asking an unsettling question: Is this the apocalypse? His answer is even more unsettling: Yes.

Author and meditation teacher Amanda Gilbert shares a simple phrase to help you meet every thought, every moment, and every person with kindness.

With war raging in the Ukraine, how can meditation help us to work through despair, anger, and anxiety while keeping us engaged with the world around us?

Recent events may have you feeling anxious or weary. But psychologist Sona Dimidjian warns that your “automatic thoughts” can quickly spiral into depression. Here’s how to stop that from happening.

Meditation teachers often talk about the value of compassion. But how do you actually develop it? Here, mindful leadership expert Rasmus Hougaard offers a four-step process for doing so.

Covid cases are declining. And yet, there aren’t as many fireworks as there were last summer. Maybe you’re feeling a little “once bitten, twice shy” yourself. That this is a sign of wisdom – and that you are wiser than you were two years ago.

So, it’s February – a month when, for a lot of us, the resolutions we may have set a month ago start to fall apart. There are two big reasons for this: making changes is hard, and willpower doesn’t work.

Experiencing peace need not be an arduous journey of endless work, but rather a moment-by-moment effort of resting.

Meditation can help you recognize anxiety a little bit faster, and develop a more intimate relationship with it, rather than simply wishing it would disappear.

I’m hearing depression, exhaustion, anger, hopelessness, denial, and despair. At this point in the pandemic, many of us just don’t want to think about it anymore. We are all worn down. We all have more than we can handle. And we want relief.

Beloved meditation teacher Sebene Selassie was rediagnosed with cancer last summer. In this extraordinary essay, she describes how she fell into the trap of equating wellness with self-worth – and how the wisdom of bell hooks helped her emerge from it.